The Oliver Project

Noah and Why There Was a Flood

Last night I ventured into the shallow end of humanity. The land where your material possessions, the places you get them, the names you can drop, and the lists you are on matter more than your integrity, morals, philosophy and soberness. A place where, it seems, entire buildings are erected for the primary of purpose displaying an enormous ad on the side. That's right, polluted and plastic Los Angeles. A friend turned 30 and another friend marked Sunset Boulevard as the apt place to celebrate. What better location can you scout out for casting sobriety to the wind and not having to gamble at the same time? You know, if that's your thing...

Now, now, before all you brainwashed LA-o-types start pointing out the Getty and the LA Times as pillars of human culture in a pathetic attempt at refuting my harsh generalization I will report the most alarming LA mistake. In an apparent attempt to consolidate all that is sick with LA into one exhibit, The Standard has procured a pet human, placed her in a terrarium, and left her with some movies to watch on a portable DVD player. The Standard, for those not in the know, is a highly elite, uber-cool hotel. Now, since LA gets the last word on what is and is not cool, The Standard is, by definition, the coolest hotel in the world, ever. For them to place this beautiful specimen in a glass case, strip her down to her underwear, display her over the front desk, and act like that is normal is clearly, in LA's mind, the coolest thing to have ever been done.

This is why I would like to call upon the rest of the world community in an effort to strip LA of their right to determine that which is cool. They have clearly abused their power here. This is not the fault of the girl who willingly watches movies inside a display case while everyone else checks into their rooms and congregates in the lounge. This is not the fault of The Standard which presumably had meetings and hired construction crews to bring this idea to fruition. No, this is the fault of a culture that places entirely too much emphasis on eternal youth, beauty, and entertainment. I don't care that some girl is in a box on display. I mind that it's cool. For all I care she can live in that box. Just don't support her. I mean, LA, come on, just stop, just -- really, it's pathetic.